This is so weird.
I have submitted everything for the final major project and technically this is it.
This is the end of my BA course. Surely there will be more things to do, before I move away from this stage in life, but I still can't believe it. Even though during these three years I have thought many times that doing a BA in LCF is such a hassle, now I feel a bit sad.
Okay, now I'm officially unemployed :D
But hope a lot of exciting opportunities are waiting for me in the near future.
Actually, one of them is the competition for River Island, which I am a part of.
I'll do my best!!
From the start of the year till almost the end of the last term I had a lot of struggles regarding the concept of my final major project shoot. Since it had to have a relation with the dissertation topic, I found myself in a middle of a dilemma. Through the first two terms I have done 4 different tests around the theme of duality of life and death and personification of death. Most of the test were really different with no connecting link between, so it was pretty obvious I got lost in the ideas and wasn’t able to concentrate on one thing which I wanted to do the most. Individual tutorials were like hell, since I couldn’t present a proper storyboard etc. The panic came before the Easter break when my tutor has told me I was really behind everyone else and I should go to study support and ask for an extension. Probably, this was the worst experience, because I couldn’t have imagined things were going that bad. And this is when I have decided to shoot in Ukraine, even though there would be no chance to reshoot if something happened. And it changed the situation around!
The hectick FMP shoot turned out to be such a great experience! And I would like to thank everyone who helped me and wes there for me.This shoot was really tough but it tought me so many things and i feel inspired again!
Me and my dad in my parent's restaurant Steakhouse: Meat and Wine. Right before starting the FMP shoot.
Shot with Mamiya.
This is the test I have done using film Hasselblad 6x6 before shooting the FMP. It was the first proper experience with the medium format film camera as I normally shoot digital. After I had some results I decided to go for Mamiya in the end, as 6x6 images was not exactly what I wanted my photographs to look like in case of the final major. This experience allowed me to get into the process of shooting on medium format and showed me the advantages and disadvantages of the Hasselblad camera. It was really hard to find focus, but seeing the depth of field in the viewfinder was really amazing. I also became aware of the fact that square format brings the whole new meaning into the image and that viewers read it differently.
Now that Dissertation is handed in (Yaaaaaay~) I can concentrate on the FMP and think about it day and night.
Here are some reference images. All of them are hugely influential and make me want to shoot and try out new thing more! I think they are also making me confused. @__@
These guys changed my life.
And as much as I don't wanna sound like a brainless fangirl... the 'changed life' bit is true and I'm proud of it :D
Being able to some extent understand Japanese language made me plunge into their lyrics and find the meaning of Mono no Awarethrough their music. I decided to build my FMP around this Buddhist concept of life/death.
And this is how I found my idea base. Easy as that.
Now I understand that I shouldn't be afraid to look for inspiration in unusual places.
BUCK-TICK band images
Memento Mori Album Cover. 2009
Vocalist Atsushi referring to the end of the tour as to something beautiful because of its ephemeral nature.
Example of Mono no Aware in the Japanese mentality.
For the Western mind the end of something only has sad associations.
I do relate it to myself as it really reflects the fact that my life always moves in the rhythm of the 'current fave song'. I listen to a huge variety of genres from metal to musicals and it always positively influences my work and private life: encourages and inspires. There was no particular moment of realisation, so it might not be the perfect reflective example, but long as I remember, music has always been a very important part of my life. Normally I never go outside without a walkman, so the reality is seen by me through the prism of the music I listen to at the moment and it just all looks like like a video. This is my own method of escapism, as fashion is to others, but at the same time It does help me face problems etc.
Most of my conscious life I have been living abroad and learning to adopt to the foreign country's customs which was fairly easy at my age and I felt nothing in particular towards my home country for a long while, imagining myself a very cosmopolitan person. It has only been recently that I have started developing not a nationalistic or patriotic attitude, but I would rather say nostalgic feeling towards Ukraine. I understood that it doesn't matter where I live, my roots are there and always will be, and I should be more proud of my background which has a fascinating history. Lately I've been also missing my mother tongue, since there's not much russian people around me at the moment, so to deal with the melancholy I have been watching old movies and listening to the soundtracks from them. Am I getting old? :D
I have come to realise that each and one of these films are unique and amazing in every way and there is just no chance anything like that will be produced now. Even though russians do release remakes and sequels to a selection of some masterpieces, they just look like a pathetic parody. All are just commercial projects made only for money and ratings. There is neither heart nor soul in such meaningless works. And that is just sad!
Well, the point I'm getting at is the amount of inspiration I have gained from watching the USSR movies is just huge! And I just had to share it~ So I am posting my small selection of caps from different films. Hope you enjoy!
I remember that when I was doing my foundation course we had to write a diary with reflections on our work and stuff... and everyone basically did it just before the hand in, so I am still not sure about the purpose of this. But since I definitely won't handle a handwritten thing, I will just use this blog.
To be honest, when we got this assignment to write a blog/diary/sketchbook about our progress, struggles, transformative moment etc, I was kinda happy since I am a hardcore blogger and write one for about 7 years.
But I realised that writing for fun & friends and writing for an assignment that's going to be marked are two totally different things, and this is a PHOTOGRAPHY (hopefully a profession and not a hobby) blog, but not sth casual and random (as my other blog is).
So here is my first dilemma: how to write about work and make sense to myself and others? I know this is supposed to be for my own benefit in many ways, but also it's sth that'll definitely take time to get used to. Anyway why not give it a try :) I'll count it as my first transformative moment!
I wish your dreams to come true and the ambitions to grow!
Let 2011 be a better year then all the previous ones!
For me it has been an amazing start already cause I've been featured in HUF Magazine as a cover photographer! Feeling really happy and a tiny-weeny beet acomlished.
But there is a lot of work to be done and million af shoots to be shot, so no time for relaxing :)